Monday, August 21, 2017

When Break-Ups are not Romantically Inclined




When I was a little kid, my parents have always taught me to be tough.  Lessons of self defence, street smarts and guile were common in our household.  My mom and dad made sure that we were well-versed in the art of living the real world.
During those times, I was never allowed to cry because of petty things.  Tears were reserved for things that matter.  Grades, achievements and failures were not a reason for me to cry.  I can still remember my dad telling me, “Ay sus, Amo lang sina mahibi ka.Ano ka pigaw?”(Why cry for something not worth it, are you weak-hearted?), but I have to tell you even if I was brought up to be a bad-ass, I failed miserably in the holding-tears department.  I was a crybaby.  I cry over all things that I think matter (yes! The death of Little Foot’s Mom mattered to me!!!), and there was nothing my dad could do about it.

When I got older, I realized that I could control my tears even if I feel like bawling.  Years of training made me see that even if I feel like I was the most worthless person on earth, I could still pretend that I don’t give a rat’s ass, I will do everything not to give my detractors the satisfaction of knowing that I feel bad.   I would pretend to be okay, and then I would go home and cry like a 2 year-old until I have no more tears, and the I stand up and go on with my life.

I was taught to be strong but sympathetic...to be indifferent but considerate...to be a warrior with a conscience.   I was glad that I was brought up this way by my parents.  I was brought up to pursue life like a war machine, but I was raised to be full of humanity.

They trained me to keep all emotions to myself, but I was always reminded that no matter how thick my walls will be, I will always be a victim of love, and that love will always hurt.  It was always inculcated in me that love will never be something that will be given in a silver platter, but it will always be a product of something.  Love will always be an effect of something you will do.  The things you have to go through to gain it will be tiresome, heart-wrenching and nerve-wracking, but to finally grasp it after those gruelling trials, will the best feeling in the world.  Love was never meant to be ideal, it was meant to be real and it was meant to be strong.

With that as my mantra, I was always prepared for the hurt, and I guess I have experienced it a couple of times, but to feel the love after having bouts of tears and heartbreaks, makes all things tolerable.  The feeling of making up with your special someone after having bad fight is exhilarating; reconciling with a sibling after a period of arguing takes a heavy burden off your chest.  These feelings are what it means to love.

But what if it does not go exactly like that? What if even love cannot fix what has been broken? What can you do? My answer is...MOVE ON...walk away from the pain, and find another story.
Yes.  Fairytale romances and lifelong friendships are what every person dreams of, but not all will have the opportunity to have both.  That’s life...That’s reality...That is Love.

They say love makes everything okay, but what if amidst the love that you feel there was betrayal? Will it still be worth fighting for? Yes, it is worth it, but if it is a one-sided battle, then give it up, and spare yourself the heartache.

Yes.  I am talking about tough love.  Cry, rant, get mad, and walk away.  It is easier said than done, I know, but to tell you honestly, romantic breakups are easier to walk away from than break-ups that happen between friends.  Friendship is a constant thing that usually defines who you are, hence the saying,” Tell me who your friends are, and I will tell you who you are”, that is why to be betrayed by a comrade will give you the worst feeling in the world.  It hurts to think that somebody you trust the most will also be the very person that will take your weakness, bake it into a pie, and smash it to your face.  Nobody ever recovers from a heartbreak caused by a broken friendship.

Fans of Popoy and Basha all know about the 2-month rule after a romantic breakup, but have you ever heard of an nth-month rule for a break-up between best friends?  If you do, then tell me because I personally have not heard of any.  It takes a great deal of hatred or envy for a person to turn her/his back on his friend and hurt her/him, and once that wound is inflicted, it takes a very long time to heal.  I was once told by someone that if 2 people parted ways and never talked to each other again, the love between them was real and the hurt was great, but if two people parted ways and remained friends despite conflicts, its either they still love each other or they were never in love (platonic or erotic) in the first place.  I guess that is the reason why most friendships, once betrayal happens, are broken; they are mostly irreparable, because the people involved have nurtured a love so true that nothing but the darkest and vilest intentions can break it.

Friendship is synonymous to love, just like romance describes love.  You fall in love with the people who you are friends with, and when you break up, it hurts you and shatters your heart, but we all have to face the reality that even if friendship will always be associated with love, it will somehow be in constant disagreement with Truth.  Always remember that you can always be friends with everybody you love, but not all that you treat as friends will be true to you.

So always have space in your heart for the reality that breaking up with your best friend will always hurt more than a thousand romantic break-ups, because you are breaking up with somebody you trusted, and somebody who you devoted a part of your life to, that is why break-ups between couples who were close friends before tend to hurt more.

Friendship needs to be nurtured, and needs to be taken care of.  If you can take care of a romantic relationship with a person, then at least be capable of taking care of a platonic relationship.  If friendships go awry, it tends to break you and make you doubt your decisions, but always look at the actuality that despite the pain, like all relationships, you will eventually have to move on from it.

Be the bigger person, walk away from the temptation to get even with that individual.  Keep in mind that if he/she valued your relationship... your friendship... you will not be in that situation.  Sad and painful as it might be, you have to let go of that diseased friendship.

Move on...wish that person well...pray for your former friend... and begin anew

It is the only way you can prove to yourself that the appreciation and the love you felt for that person was genuine.  You will hurt, and you will have a lot of questions, but eventually you will understand that Friendship, just like Love, is a product.  It is a product of common interest, care, appreciation and trust.  If one of these falters, then it will never be a true relationship.


Related image
Credits to:https://www.pinterest.com/ChepaaaV/trent-shelton-rehabtime/

You don’t need to have a wagon full of friends.  All you need is a small boat with a handful of people that will help you row through the sea of life, and not drill holes in your boat.

All things in life hurt.  Learn to toughen up and learn when to shed your tears.  Your heart was made to feel pain because it is the strongest part of you.  That is what makes you human.  Friendship and Love is what keeps you humane.


If you were betrayed by a friend, hug them, wish them well, and close that chapter.  Walk away and continue with your life.  It may just be the move you need to become a better someone.

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Gemini

Remember when we first met?

We were as different as 2 individuals can ever be.  We never agreed on anything except on one thing:DANCE

For years we never see eye to eye, but God had plans for the both of us. We became the best of friends and then we became more than that..

8 years we faced everything life could possibly throw at us, and we remained strong.  We surpassed illness, misunderstandings, and even the lost of a love one.

Majority of the time, I was handed the short end of the stick.  I was always the one with the problems.  You knew me better than anyone.  I was never the one to wear my heart on my sleeve. I never lash out.  I don't even shed a tear when I feel down.  You were the only one who can see right through me.  You can even sense that something wasn't right even through a simple text.

We were a team..We will always be a team.  I don't know how the system went during the years that we were a couple, but it worked.

We know that we are far beyond perfect, maybe that's what made our relationship strong.  We had our share of trials, but we remained steadfast.

People love the way our relationship goes.  They don't know how we did it, but they love the way we work together.  We are not the most ideal of relationships, and we are not conventional as all couple go but it works for us.

Remember the song we shared when we first got together?
Remember the line," the vacuous night steps aside to give meaning to Gemini's dreaming"?

It was..and it will always be our song.  It was depressing for most parts, and its meaning cloaks the most tragic story of romance ever written, but we loved it.  We loved how a song so short could speak volumes.

We never had the same taste in music, and we were introduced to different forms of dance, but again we compromised.  You supported me when I danced to the classical sound of Giselle and Nutcracker, and I cheered you on when you get down to the beat of Snoop Dogg and the Teriyaki Boys.  You grimace but lend your ears to my weird taste in music when I force you to listen to the songs  the likes of Wild Belle's "Keep You" and Scotty McCreery's "I Love You this Big", and I try my best not to scrunch my nose up when you keep playing your Christmas songs all year round.

We were never conventional, and we have the weirdest relationship any person could encounter, but it was perfect for the both of us.  It was our own version of a fairy tale.

Now, the fates handed you a short straw, and I see you slowly fall apart.  I never knew we could come to a point that our unconventional way of dealing with things would slowly leave us broken.  Our exterior is cracking, and people can feel the tension.  We never hang our dirty linen in public, but my heart soared for the support we are receiving.

Now it's my turn to be the strong wall you can lean on.  I want you to know that it would take more than this incident to break us apart.  We are, after all, super heroes.  You have been there through all the tough times in my life, and I promise you I won't leave now.  Though you did not utter a word, I know you need me now.  We may have to go about our daily routines, but I know you do feel that I am with you 24/7.

The song goes,"We'll have about an inch space, But I'm here.I can breathe in what you breathe out"

Yes..I'm here.  I'm not leaving..

We may have been built on tough love.  No mushiness when it comes to dealing with each other, but now is the time to let them see that we are indeed what we are built out of:TOUGH LOVE

Love was never a responsibility for the both of us.  It was what we were accustomed to..It was like we were indeed created to fit each other perfectly..like 2 perfect pieces of a puzzle.  It was a way of life for the both of us.

Presence was never an issue for we have always been with each other through good times and bad.

You have been beaten down by things beyond our control, but we will get through this.  We always do.

We managed to survive bouts of emotional typhoons and hurricanes.  A little drizzle cannot wash away our foundation.

I never been one to express myself emotionally, but now I am laying this all out in the open.
I support you, and I will always be here for you.

We are 2 parts of a whole..

We are strong..
We are resilient..
We will always be "Supertwins"..



after all..we are GEMINI..

credits:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5S7GZmjCMh4

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Don't Break

Dear Heart,

 It's a new year, but you have been feeling the same despair since day 1.

I know you're tired, but please be strong.  Do not break.  Continue to beat..Beat and fight for yourself and for the others around you.

These are trials that you have to face, and there will be times that you will hurt so badly that you will bleed.  It's part of what you are.  You were made to be strong..to surpass whatever trials come your way.  You have never been one for the rules.  In the anatomy of life, you never listen to the thoughts and opinions of the brain.  You make your own decision, and you set your own path.

It's who you are, heart, so don't change. You trip, you stumble, and you always fall, but you still get up and keep on walking.  You are strong, don't let other people tell you otherwise.

I know the past month or so has been tedious and a bit of a struggle for you.  I can feel you hurting.. I can feel you getting exhausted.  There are times that I can barely breathe because I can feel you take up too much space.  I feel you trying to outrun the agony.  I know you have been trying to escape the pain.  I feel it every single day.  I feel you getting weaker and weaker each day, but you kept fighting.

All you feel, I feel twice as much.  Each time you run out of breath, I feel the suffocation.  The times you run so fast just to be okay, I feel the crushing pain and the exhaustion.  The moments you try to slow down and go numb, I feel the world closing in, and each time you feel like giving up, I can see the blackness creeping in the corners of my eyes.

You are strong,dear heart, I know you are.  Hold on.

You have been hurt..You are bleeding..You have the battle scars for all your triumphs and failures..

I own you, so I feel all your trials and tribulations, but most of all I feel your pain and exhaustion.

Just rest and continue fighting,dear Heart..

Continue to love..Continue to Fight..

I cry each time you feel the sadness..

I love you,heart, that's why I'm urging you to be strong and keep fighting..

I know you're tired..be quiet..be serene..Rest..

but please..

Don't Break..