Unreciprocated..But Moving On

Yes..It hurts

It makes you bleed..It crushes your core

Unrequited Love..

You may have been misunderstood, and you may have been ignored..

That's Life..That's Love..You give your all..you get frustrated..you get hurt..you mope..you get mad..you lose hope..but then..time will come..you will raise your head..you will smile..and the you'll move on..

I got my heart broken numerous times.. May it be because of unforeseen circumstances or things that I already expected to hurt me..

My biggest heartbreak was losing the man I have ever loved deeply..He was taken away too soon..He's never coming back..and no matter what I do..the only thing that I have, as a memory, is who I am..the blood  that course through my veins, half of my genetic makeup, and this rattail that I have swaying as I walk around during rounds...It was a struggle for me for the past 6 years, since he was my idol,,he was my hero..and he was the only man that never made me cry..except for the day he went away..

Yes..I break down easily..I cry over simple and petty things.. I cry over cartoons, sad movies, hell, I even cried all throughout the 2nd part of "How to Train Your Dragon"..

Being a crybaby is a struggle for I was taught never to show weakness..

But despite all the times I was heartbroken and frustrated..I never took this out on anyone.  I keep a handful of friends, and these friends, I trust with my life.. They know how I battle the turmoil within me, and even before the tears spill, their handkerchiefs are out and ready.

Life is not always a bed of roses..Its not always rainbows and smiles,, Yes, everything we experience starts with "once upon a time", but not all of them ends with,"happily ever after".  You write your own stories.. You make your own plot, and if you find yourself  miserable amidst the lines that you compose, you can always change the tale.  You hold your own happiness, it doesn't rest on other people's hands, so you can never blame somebody else for your own misery.

If you find yourself spiraling down, do not drag other people with you.  Never trample other people's joy..A broken heart is not enough of a reason to destroy your character, and to smear other people's reputation.  If you find yourself cheated by fate, and ganged up on by love and destiny, then turn your back and make another fairytale.  You are entitled to our own happiness, but it is not a reason for you to make other people look bad just to make yourself feel better.

We all have that moment, where we all feel alone in our corner, and all we see through our eyes is hate.  A one-sided love is a fate worse than death.  You get your heart shattered to the point of being irreparable.   Each time you see that person, you feel yourself being stabbed endlessly, and every moment you get to remember the "what ifs" and "if onlys", you feel your very soul slowly breaking away.  Yes, it is painful beyond words..It destroys every fiber of your being, but it is not a reason to destroy relationships..to break friendships,,

The people around you have had their share of being taken for granted, and being ignored..You are not alone..You have a lot of people around you, but it is up to you to open your eyes..you heart, and to extend your hand that someone may be able to grasp you tight, and pull you out of that vortex.  Do not pretend to be fine, but secretly destroy other people's self-worth, just so you could feel okay.  It is alright to cry, it's alright to show weakness..You are human, you are entitled to be hurt..to feel..

Unrequited Love..It stings..It's selfish..It's heart wrenching..it's devastating

You cry..You bleed..You die..every single day..

and then one day..

You will start moving one..

So let go..Grab another sheet of paper..Start another story..Walk away from something that destroys you..take all that hate away with you..scatter it, and let the wind bring it to oblivion..for someday..someone would eventually share that corner with you..

You have your time..All you need to do is WAIT..
..

A Twisted Tale of Love

Once upon a time, a there was a girl and a boy. The girl's name was Indifference and the guy's name was Love. Indifference was the type of person, who would never give anything away. It was even difficult to extract a smile from her emotionless lips. All she does is look at you, nod, and go back to what she was doing. Love, on the other hand, was a guy that would seem aloof, but was actually, a big package of sweet words and emotions, just waiting to explode. Indifference was frank, while Love choose to just sit down and keep quiet. Love was an idealist,while Indifference was a die-hard realist. They both live very different lives, and they were the most incompatible couple you will ever meet.

....One day, Fate was bored with her usual chores, and so she decided to do the unthinkable, she decided to pair up the most imperfect pair she could find. So she searched far and wide, and her eyes settled on these 2 mortals, the oblivious Indifference and Love the dreamer. Fate decided to make the two meet. She did everything so they will cross paths, and after a lot of trial and error, they did. And this is what happened after the 2 of the most opposite people in the world meet and say "hello"....

Indifference was sitting in the bar, continuing to think that life is a dreary business. She went there, not because she wanted to, but because she had to. The bar was owned by her dad, and she had no choice but to get the inventory and manage it herself since her dad passed away and her mom was too busy saving lives. She was going about her own business, when suddenly this man, who was way too perky and vain for her taste, went up to her and said,"Hi". She looked at him with disinterest, and went back to the notebook she was busy writing in. Unknown to her, Love was one of the bar's sales agent, and that they will begin to see each other everyday whether she likes it or not. At first, Indifference couldn't care less of who works for the company or what goes within the 4 walls of the bar, but as time goes by, she begins to see the effort all the waiters, the bartenders and the sales agents put into what would be the success of the company. Love, on the other hand, continued to go about his work, ignoring Indifference. He continued to promote the bar until the bar became so popular that customers are too much for the 4 corners of the establishment to hold in. At a glance, you would see Love as a person, who cares for the bar as if it's his own, but unknown to everyone and unknown to the owner's daughter, Love cared for more than just the bar. He cared for the bleak, dreary girl, who manages it.

...Fate saw her plan was taking effect, and decided to take things a little further. She decided that the emotion and the chemistry shouldn't be one-sided. So she planted a seed in Indifference's heart, and with a shower of raindrops, the seedling started to grow......

Indifference, at first, was annoyed with how Love acted. He was too jolly and lively for her. She preferred to be dark and quiet. But the longer they worked together, she noticed that she, too, was beginning to look forward to that smile and greeting every morning. She found herself looking at her phone every 5 seconds to check if there were any messages. She denied having feelings for Love because she knew that everything that Love is was all wrong for her personality. She was into noise and pessimism, while Love was all about hope and looking for that bright light at the end of the tunnel. So, she tried forgetting about him and concentrated on all the things that were wrong about him. With that, Indifference started to forget all that warm feeling inside if her and started to go back to her old, cold self.

....Fate saw what happened to the seed that she planted, and became frustrated. She won't allow any interference with the experiment the she so meticulously planned, so with all her strength, she sent a whirlwind of sweet thoughts and warm emotions towards the dying seed.......

Indifference was beginning to feel like her old self again, when the health and sales department began calling up and started asking for the establishment's latest update. So she had no choice but to work with Love again. With that, there was no turning back. Indifference, though still a little dark and gothic, started to be infected with Love's bright disposition, and they started to get along. Love was happy to have Indifference give him the time of day, and was pretty ecstatic when he knew that Indifference felt the same he does, and so started the subtle exchange of something that was soon to be an unusual fairy tale.

...Fate saw that her plan was working out perfectly, and so she sat back, and watched the progress of the story that she work hard into writing. Despair, Fate's sister, saw another seed of happiness growing, and decided that she doesn't need another positive thing in the world that she desperately tries to tear down, so she sent a big bolt of lightning to strike down that tree, and when the lightning bolt struck, it splits Fate's tree in the middle......

Love and Indifference had a story that no other person can have. They were born into different worlds, Love into a world of happiness and light, while Indifference into a world of dysfunction. Despite being different, they manage to bring their worlds together and compromise. It was all going so well, when something heartbreaking occurred. Love's fiancé, Trust, was back in town, and Indifference's partner,Rules, started to work in the bar. Love had no choice but to go back to his old life and Indifference had to face the next day alone. They were torn apart by things that they can't control, and they began to question what they had and started to drift apart.

....Despair, seeing what she did to Fate's precious tree, was delighted. At last, she finally destroyed one of her sister's most prized possession. Unknown to her, the lightning didn't kill the tree, it only split it in the middle, but the roots were still alive......

Indifference wasn't the type of person, who would hold on to things she knows she can't have, but with Love, she tried everything she can to bring him back. She endured all the times she was alone, and the times she was sitting with her phone in her hands waiting for that characteristic tone that signals her that Love was thinking of her. She had finally given up, when suddenly, her phone lighted up. Love sent her a message that burned into her mind and into her heart forever, "I LOVE YOU"...that. Is all she needed to go on and smile. One night, she went out on the balcony, released a helium balloon, and said, "wherever you are, LOVE, this balloon will find you". Love, being on the other side of the world, did the same thing..and together they said, " wherever this balloon may float or explode, and that is how much I love you"...

Indifference and Love's balloon met above the pacific ocean and there the balloons exploded.. Indifference then whispered, "I LOVE YOU,LOVE, THIS BIG"

.....Fate saw the balloons and realized that despite having her precious tree destroyed..the love between the two was still alive..and so Fate, with her glittered cloak, floated away and smiled....

The Distance despite being Close

"Each day we grow closer, you seem to be slowly slipping away"

All my life, I have never said anything about how i feel to anyone.
People would tell me that I was, either naive or just plain cold. I never argued with them, i just kept my mouth shut and smile.

I am not the kind of person, who puts everything on display...I guess that's why a lot would say that I am not the ideal girlfriend because I am not the type of girl, who walks around town, cavorting with my partner. I don't like public displays of affection. Honestly speaking, I find it annoying to see other people, who thinks its ok to go around and kiss each other like there's no tomorrow..I mean "HELLO!!!..get a room"..For me, your emotions and affections towards each other should be something that must be kept between the two of you alone..Whatever you want to do together,may it be hugs or kisses, should be done in private. Its one thing to kiss someone affectionately in public, but its another thing to hug and kiss someone so torridly in front of a lot of people. Newsflash: That's the reason why locks and tinted windows were invented,ok?..

I made a choice not to be emotional, and keep a straight face no matter how hurt, angry, or frustrated i was. I only allowed myself to express one emotion:HAPPINESS. I was getting along fine with my rationalizations and beliefs..then you came along...

With you, I started questioning myself whether what i believe in is truly real or was i just afraid of getting hurt?...I looked at you for a minute, and i got my answer. Truth is, I was never brave enough to accept the fact that if i feel an emotion, i become very vulnerable. So instead of facing the truth, I build a wall around me and alienated everybody that could possibly cause it to crumble...with one exception:YOU..

You started out as an infatuation, but I ignored the attraction because i knew the truth that you are already committed to someone else. I tried so hard to look away, but i just couldn't..All I had were stolen glances, and secret smiles..I never thought it would go on this long.
I was starting to get over you, when the messages started..and the sweet nothings came leaking out..The next thing i know, i was back to square one, but this time, I can no longer roll the dice and lose a turn..I have nothing else to do but move forward.
It's hard for me to admit that I intentionally let you destroy the barrier, which I had so carefully built around me..
I took the risk of falling in love with you, and with that i also embraced the pain that accompanies it..
I guess not everything turns out exactly the way you want it to be...
I was afraid to get close to you because I know that once I get a hold of you, I will never have the guts to let you go..

But, now..Fate has other plans.. It gave me you for awhile, and it started to take you away, and with you, it also started to take away pieces of myself..And I can somehow feel myself slowly breaking apart..

But I'm just a passerby, with no right to complain...Don't worry about me..someday..I will be fine..


If only,...You were mine..:,(

The Distance despite being Close

"Each day we grow closer, you seem to be slowly slipping away"

All my life, I have never said anything about how i feel to anyone.
People would tell me that I was, either naive or just plain cold. I never argued with them, i just kept my mouth shut and smile.

I am not the kind of person, who puts everything on display...I guess that's why a lot would say that I am not the ideal girlfriend because I am not the type of girl, who walks around town, cavorting with my partner. I don't like public displays of affection. Honestly speaking, I find it annoying to see other people, who thinks its ok to go around and kiss each other like there's no tomorrow..I mean "HELLO!!!..get a room"..For me, your emotions and affections towards each other should be something that must be kept between the two you alone..Whatever you want to do together,may it be hugs or kisses, should be done in private. Its one thing to kiss someone affectionately in public, but its another thing to hug and kiss someone so torridly in front of a lot of people. Newsflash: That's the reason why locks and tinted windows were invented,ok?..

I made a choice not to be emotional, and keep a straight face no matter how hurt, angry, or frustrated i was. I only allowed myself to express one emotion:HAPPINESS. I was getting along fine with my rationalizations and beliefs..then you came along...

With you, I started questioning myself whether what i believe in is truly real or was i just afraid of getting hurt?...I looked at you for a minute, and i got my answer. Truth is, I was never brave enough to accept the fact that if i feel an emotion, i become very vulnerable. So instead of facing the truth, I build a wall around me and alienated everybody that could possibly cause it to crumble...with one exception:YOU..

You started out as an infatuation, but I ignored the attraction because i knew the truth that you are already committed to someone else. I tried so hard to look away, but i just couldn't..All I had were stolen glances, and secret smiles..I never thought it would go on this long.
I was starting to get over you, when the messages started..and the sweet nothings came leaking out..The next thing i know, i was back to square one, but this time, I can no longer roll the dice and lose a turn..I have nothing else to do but to move forward.
It's hard for me to admit that I intentionally let you destroy the barrier, which I had so carefully built around me..
I took the risk of falling in love with you, and with that i also embraced the pain that accompanies it..
I guess not everything turns out exactly the way you want it to be...
I was afraid to get close to you because I know that once I get a hold of you, I will never have the guts to let you go..

But, now..Fate has other plans.. It gave me you for awhile, and it started to take you away, and with you, it also started to take away pieces of myself..And I can somehow feel myself slowly breaking apart..

But I'm just a passerby, with no write to complain...Don't worry about me..someday..I will be fine..


If only,...You were mine..:,(

parasites..dancing..and friends

Yesterday, I was sitting in class listening to the professor talk about host-parasite relationships..he talked about symbiosis, opportunism, commensalism, and parasitism.
I was listening to him intensely that i forgot who and where i was. I then turned around...and saw my medicine classmates, listening attentively as well.
I was nostalgic just listening to Dr. Jurao. i was half expecting to see my medtech classmates when i turned my back on the teacher, and faced those who were sitting behind me. I was hoping to see them horsing around, not understanding anything at all.

I graduated from BSMT last April 2008, but i can't seem to let go of those happy-go-lucky people i was with 2 years ago. I miss the way we were when we are all together..the "kantiawanay", the "lakwatsa", the "sleeping-anywhere", and most of all i miss the dancing.

I used to dance when i was in college. I always look forward to PMT week, and the dance derby because i know..i would certainly lose weight..
I love dancing to the rhythm of fast-beat music, wherein "ang counting bala 2 steps per count☺"..and i like to see all of us in sync, its as if we are one. But most of all, i miss dancing to the cheering of my friends.

Now, i am dancing to a new music, and genre.. and my troupe is not the same anymore, but thanks to my lithium-deficient, one-of-a-kind medtech friends. i still know how to dance to the rhythm of life.

THANKS,GUYS.. I mISS YOU!!!

Fairytales and Reality

20 years ago..I was a kid..I was one of those little girls, who loved to read about a prince and a princess falling in love. riding off into the sunset, and remain happy for the rest of their lives. Now, I still have a part of that little girl beside me, and let's just say that I am still fond of reading fairy tales. But these stories aren't in books anymore. These stories became a part of my life. It became a part of who I am. My life is a storybook. I had my share of fables, myths, and, of course, my very own wonderland fairytale. As always, a story will never be complete without a villain. And my villain came in a form of death. 5 months ago, I became Snow White. I had my dwarves, my prince charming, and my own poison apple. The witch took my DAD away, and sadly, even a thousand true love's kiss can never bring him back. All this time I wish I was Jasmine so I could ask Genie to grant my wish to turn back time, or I could be Aurora so that I would have my 3 fairy godmothers to give my dad the gift of sleeping for a century, and wake up after someone gives him true love's first kiss. Unfortunately, all the wishes and gifts in the world can never bring him back. It can never turn back time. His passing woke me up and made me realize that fairy tales do exist, and with it comes the reality of tears, pain, and lost love. I was able to see the truth that the "evil stepmother" is real, that no matter how enchanting and surreal her beauty is, the old hag will always be there lurking, ready to give you that poison apple. My dad unlucky enough to bite into the hag's apple, and because of that, he fell into a deep sleep..never waking up again. I have moved on, and I have accepted the fact that my dad's in a better place now, but like all other little girls, I'm still hoping for a happily ever after. I'm still hoping to look through the looking glass and see my dad waving at me, smiling. I am Snow White..I have my Prince Charming, my dwarfs, and of course..THE WICKED WITCH will always be there. In time, I may be able to destroy the Witch, but for now..I'm gonna write my story page by page, and hope that this story would end with me looking at my dad, smiling, and saying," DO, we will always live happily ever after"

This is in memory of my dad. I only had 22 years with him before the Almighty took him away from me and my whole family. This is one way of telling him that I know what happened, and I had accepted the fact that life really is unfair. I know he's reading this right now, and I know that he knows that we all miss him so much. "Do, we know the "witch" took you away, but don't worry, her apple won't be inflicting pain or tears to anyone anymore. We love you soo much,do..We miss you. I just want you to know na number 4 gli ko sa skul..I know you are proud of me. I LOVE YOU..some people may not know it now, but I guess in time they would realize that the kids and the family you left behind will never leave each other behind and that you will be our inspiration to continue fighting"

Missing all the Simple things in LIfe

Looking back at all of the things that has happened to me in the last few days, I am starting to miss the the simple things. The things that most of us took for granted, because we were to busy reaching for the stars and the flags taht were to high.


My dad was taken to the hospital yesterday because he had a stroke. It took us all by surprise because he was still okay. He was just complaining that he was a bit drowsy, so we thought that he just lacked sleep because he accompanied my mom, the night before, to the hospital. Then all of a sudden he vomited, but he was still conscious..Since we were not with him during that time, the driver persuaded him to go to the hospital, but he refuesd. It was only when they ran into his 1st cousins that he was brought to the hospital..He was then transferred to Iloilo Doctor's Hospital from the Janiuay District Hospital.

In the E.R, he began to fall asleep. Everybody was trying to distract him so that he won't lose consciousness. He was then requested a CTSCAN, so we went to St.Paul's Hospital, since th IDH CTSCAN was unavailable. The result of his scan showed that he has a small bleed in the his cerebral area, and that his brain was already swelling. Because of the swelling, his 3rd and 4th ventricles were compress,and this had caused to increase the pressure inside his skull, so he was scheduled for a STAT OR. He had to undergo a procedure called ventriculostomy, wherein a tube was placesd inside his head inorder to evacuate the fluid that was accumulating inside so that the pressure would be decreased.

Fortunately, after his operation, he was back to normal , even if his blood pressure is still erratic.


Today, he is alreadyokay...It was as if everything that happened yesterday was all a bad dream..

Never in my whole life did I expect that something like this would happen..Now,all i want is to wake once more and go about things just like before..