Monday, August 21, 2017

When Break-Ups are not Romantically Inclined

When I was a little kid, my parents have always taught me to be tough.  Lessons of self defence, street smarts and guile were common in our household.  My mom and dad made sure that we were well-versed in the art of living the real world.
During those times, I was never allowed to cry because of petty things.  Tears were reserved for things that matter.  Grades, achievements and failures were not a reason for me to cry.  I can still remember my dad telling me, “Ay sus, Amo lang sina mahibi ka.Ano ka pigaw?”(Why cry for something not worth it, are you weak-hearted?), but I have to tell you even if I was brought up to be a bad-ass, I failed miserably in the holding-tears department.  I was a crybaby.  I cry over all things that I think matter (yes! The death of Little Foot’s Mom mattered to me!!!), and there was nothing my dad could do about it.

When I got older, I realized that I could control my tears even if I feel like bawling.  Years of training made me see that even if I feel like I was the most worthless person on earth, I could still pretend that I don’t give a rat’s ass, I will do everything not to give my detractors the satisfaction of knowing that I feel bad.   I would pretend to be okay, and then I would go home and cry like a 2 year-old until I have no more tears, and the I stand up and go on with my life.

I was taught to be strong but be indifferent but be a warrior with a conscience.   I was glad that I was brought up this way by my parents.  I was brought up to pursue life like a war machine, but I was raised to be full of humanity.

They trained me to keep all emotions to myself, but I was always reminded that no matter how thick my walls will be, I will always be a victim of love, and that love will always hurt.  It was always inculcated in me that love will never be something that will be given in a silver platter, but it will always be a product of something.  Love will always be an effect of something you will do.  The things you have to go through to gain it will be tiresome, heart-wrenching and nerve-wracking, but to finally grasp it after those gruelling trials, will the best feeling in the world.  Love was never meant to be ideal, it was meant to be real and it was meant to be strong.

With that as my mantra, I was always prepared for the hurt, and I guess I have experienced it a couple of times, but to feel the love after having bouts of tears and heartbreaks, makes all things tolerable.  The feeling of making up with your special someone after having bad fight is exhilarating; reconciling with a sibling after a period of arguing takes a heavy burden off your chest.  These feelings are what it means to love.

But what if it does not go exactly like that? What if even love cannot fix what has been broken? What can you do? My answer is...MOVE ON...walk away from the pain, and find another story.
Yes.  Fairytale romances and lifelong friendships are what every person dreams of, but not all will have the opportunity to have both.  That’s life...That’s reality...That is Love.

They say love makes everything okay, but what if amidst the love that you feel there was betrayal? Will it still be worth fighting for? Yes, it is worth it, but if it is a one-sided battle, then give it up, and spare yourself the heartache.

Yes.  I am talking about tough love.  Cry, rant, get mad, and walk away.  It is easier said than done, I know, but to tell you honestly, romantic breakups are easier to walk away from than break-ups that happen between friends.  Friendship is a constant thing that usually defines who you are, hence the saying,” Tell me who your friends are, and I will tell you who you are”, that is why to be betrayed by a comrade will give you the worst feeling in the world.  It hurts to think that somebody you trust the most will also be the very person that will take your weakness, bake it into a pie, and smash it to your face.  Nobody ever recovers from a heartbreak caused by a broken friendship.

Fans of Popoy and Basha all know about the 2-month rule after a romantic breakup, but have you ever heard of an nth-month rule for a break-up between best friends?  If you do, then tell me because I personally have not heard of any.  It takes a great deal of hatred or envy for a person to turn her/his back on his friend and hurt her/him, and once that wound is inflicted, it takes a very long time to heal.  I was once told by someone that if 2 people parted ways and never talked to each other again, the love between them was real and the hurt was great, but if two people parted ways and remained friends despite conflicts, its either they still love each other or they were never in love (platonic or erotic) in the first place.  I guess that is the reason why most friendships, once betrayal happens, are broken; they are mostly irreparable, because the people involved have nurtured a love so true that nothing but the darkest and vilest intentions can break it.

Friendship is synonymous to love, just like romance describes love.  You fall in love with the people who you are friends with, and when you break up, it hurts you and shatters your heart, but we all have to face the reality that even if friendship will always be associated with love, it will somehow be in constant disagreement with Truth.  Always remember that you can always be friends with everybody you love, but not all that you treat as friends will be true to you.

So always have space in your heart for the reality that breaking up with your best friend will always hurt more than a thousand romantic break-ups, because you are breaking up with somebody you trusted, and somebody who you devoted a part of your life to, that is why break-ups between couples who were close friends before tend to hurt more.

Friendship needs to be nurtured, and needs to be taken care of.  If you can take care of a romantic relationship with a person, then at least be capable of taking care of a platonic relationship.  If friendships go awry, it tends to break you and make you doubt your decisions, but always look at the actuality that despite the pain, like all relationships, you will eventually have to move on from it.

Be the bigger person, walk away from the temptation to get even with that individual.  Keep in mind that if he/she valued your relationship... your friendship... you will not be in that situation.  Sad and painful as it might be, you have to let go of that diseased friendship.

Move on...wish that person well...pray for your former friend... and begin anew

It is the only way you can prove to yourself that the appreciation and the love you felt for that person was genuine.  You will hurt, and you will have a lot of questions, but eventually you will understand that Friendship, just like Love, is a product.  It is a product of common interest, care, appreciation and trust.  If one of these falters, then it will never be a true relationship.

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You don’t need to have a wagon full of friends.  All you need is a small boat with a handful of people that will help you row through the sea of life, and not drill holes in your boat.

All things in life hurt.  Learn to toughen up and learn when to shed your tears.  Your heart was made to feel pain because it is the strongest part of you.  That is what makes you human.  Friendship and Love is what keeps you humane.

If you were betrayed by a friend, hug them, wish them well, and close that chapter.  Walk away and continue with your life.  It may just be the move you need to become a better someone.