The Distance despite being Close

"Each day we grow closer, you seem to be slowly slipping away"

All my life, I have never said anything about how i feel to anyone.
People would tell me that I was, either naive or just plain cold. I never argued with them, i just kept my mouth shut and smile.

I am not the kind of person, who puts everything on display...I guess that's why a lot would say that I am not the ideal girlfriend because I am not the type of girl, who walks around town, cavorting with my partner. I don't like public displays of affection. Honestly speaking, I find it annoying to see other people, who thinks its ok to go around and kiss each other like there's no tomorrow..I mean "HELLO!!!..get a room"..For me, your emotions and affections towards each other should be something that must be kept between the two of you alone..Whatever you want to do together,may it be hugs or kisses, should be done in private. Its one thing to kiss someone affectionately in public, but its another thing to hug and kiss someone so torridly in front of a lot of people. Newsflash: That's the reason why locks and tinted windows were invented,ok?..

I made a choice not to be emotional, and keep a straight face no matter how hurt, angry, or frustrated i was. I only allowed myself to express one emotion:HAPPINESS. I was getting along fine with my rationalizations and beliefs..then you came along...

With you, I started questioning myself whether what i believe in is truly real or was i just afraid of getting hurt?...I looked at you for a minute, and i got my answer. Truth is, I was never brave enough to accept the fact that if i feel an emotion, i become very vulnerable. So instead of facing the truth, I build a wall around me and alienated everybody that could possibly cause it to crumble...with one exception:YOU..

You started out as an infatuation, but I ignored the attraction because i knew the truth that you are already committed to someone else. I tried so hard to look away, but i just couldn't..All I had were stolen glances, and secret smiles..I never thought it would go on this long.
I was starting to get over you, when the messages started..and the sweet nothings came leaking out..The next thing i know, i was back to square one, but this time, I can no longer roll the dice and lose a turn..I have nothing else to do but move forward.
It's hard for me to admit that I intentionally let you destroy the barrier, which I had so carefully built around me..
I took the risk of falling in love with you, and with that i also embraced the pain that accompanies it..
I guess not everything turns out exactly the way you want it to be...
I was afraid to get close to you because I know that once I get a hold of you, I will never have the guts to let you go..

But, now..Fate has other plans.. It gave me you for awhile, and it started to take you away, and with you, it also started to take away pieces of myself..And I can somehow feel myself slowly breaking apart..

But I'm just a passerby, with no right to complain...Don't worry about me..someday..I will be fine..


If only,...You were mine..:,(