The Distance despite being Close

"Each day we grow closer, you seem to be slowly slipping away"

All my life, I have never said anything about how i feel to anyone.
People would tell me that I was, either naive or just plain cold. I never argued with them, i just kept my mouth shut and smile.

I am not the kind of person, who puts everything on display...I guess that's why a lot would say that I am not the ideal girlfriend because I am not the type of girl, who walks around town, cavorting with my partner. I don't like public displays of affection. Honestly speaking, I find it annoying to see other people, who thinks its ok to go around and kiss each other like there's no tomorrow..I mean "HELLO!!!..get a room"..For me, your emotions and affections towards each other should be something that must be kept between the two of you alone..Whatever you want to do together,may it be hugs or kisses, should be done in private. Its one thing to kiss someone affectionately in public, but its another thing to hug and kiss someone so torridly in front of a lot of people. Newsflash: That's the reason why locks and tinted windows were invented,ok?..

I made a choice not to be emotional, and keep a straight face no matter how hurt, angry, or frustrated i was. I only allowed myself to express one emotion:HAPPINESS. I was getting along fine with my rationalizations and beliefs..then you came along...

With you, I started questioning myself whether what i believe in is truly real or was i just afraid of getting hurt?...I looked at you for a minute, and i got my answer. Truth is, I was never brave enough to accept the fact that if i feel an emotion, i become very vulnerable. So instead of facing the truth, I build a wall around me and alienated everybody that could possibly cause it to crumble...with one exception:YOU..

You started out as an infatuation, but I ignored the attraction because i knew the truth that you are already committed to someone else. I tried so hard to look away, but i just couldn't..All I had were stolen glances, and secret smiles..I never thought it would go on this long.
I was starting to get over you, when the messages started..and the sweet nothings came leaking out..The next thing i know, i was back to square one, but this time, I can no longer roll the dice and lose a turn..I have nothing else to do but move forward.
It's hard for me to admit that I intentionally let you destroy the barrier, which I had so carefully built around me..
I took the risk of falling in love with you, and with that i also embraced the pain that accompanies it..
I guess not everything turns out exactly the way you want it to be...
I was afraid to get close to you because I know that once I get a hold of you, I will never have the guts to let you go..

But, now..Fate has other plans.. It gave me you for awhile, and it started to take you away, and with you, it also started to take away pieces of myself..And I can somehow feel myself slowly breaking apart..

But I'm just a passerby, with no right to complain...Don't worry about me..someday..I will be fine..


If only,...You were mine..:,(

The Distance despite being Close

"Each day we grow closer, you seem to be slowly slipping away"

All my life, I have never said anything about how i feel to anyone.
People would tell me that I was, either naive or just plain cold. I never argued with them, i just kept my mouth shut and smile.

I am not the kind of person, who puts everything on display...I guess that's why a lot would say that I am not the ideal girlfriend because I am not the type of girl, who walks around town, cavorting with my partner. I don't like public displays of affection. Honestly speaking, I find it annoying to see other people, who thinks its ok to go around and kiss each other like there's no tomorrow..I mean "HELLO!!!..get a room"..For me, your emotions and affections towards each other should be something that must be kept between the two you alone..Whatever you want to do together,may it be hugs or kisses, should be done in private. Its one thing to kiss someone affectionately in public, but its another thing to hug and kiss someone so torridly in front of a lot of people. Newsflash: That's the reason why locks and tinted windows were invented,ok?..

I made a choice not to be emotional, and keep a straight face no matter how hurt, angry, or frustrated i was. I only allowed myself to express one emotion:HAPPINESS. I was getting along fine with my rationalizations and beliefs..then you came along...

With you, I started questioning myself whether what i believe in is truly real or was i just afraid of getting hurt?...I looked at you for a minute, and i got my answer. Truth is, I was never brave enough to accept the fact that if i feel an emotion, i become very vulnerable. So instead of facing the truth, I build a wall around me and alienated everybody that could possibly cause it to crumble...with one exception:YOU..

You started out as an infatuation, but I ignored the attraction because i knew the truth that you are already committed to someone else. I tried so hard to look away, but i just couldn't..All I had were stolen glances, and secret smiles..I never thought it would go on this long.
I was starting to get over you, when the messages started..and the sweet nothings came leaking out..The next thing i know, i was back to square one, but this time, I can no longer roll the dice and lose a turn..I have nothing else to do but to move forward.
It's hard for me to admit that I intentionally let you destroy the barrier, which I had so carefully built around me..
I took the risk of falling in love with you, and with that i also embraced the pain that accompanies it..
I guess not everything turns out exactly the way you want it to be...
I was afraid to get close to you because I know that once I get a hold of you, I will never have the guts to let you go..

But, now..Fate has other plans.. It gave me you for awhile, and it started to take you away, and with you, it also started to take away pieces of myself..And I can somehow feel myself slowly breaking apart..

But I'm just a passerby, with no write to complain...Don't worry about me..someday..I will be fine..


If only,...You were mine..:,(

parasites..dancing..and friends

Yesterday, I was sitting in class listening to the professor talk about host-parasite relationships..he talked about symbiosis, opportunism, commensalism, and parasitism.
I was listening to him intensely that i forgot who and where i was. I then turned around...and saw my medicine classmates, listening attentively as well.
I was nostalgic just listening to Dr. Jurao. i was half expecting to see my medtech classmates when i turned my back on the teacher, and faced those who were sitting behind me. I was hoping to see them horsing around, not understanding anything at all.

I graduated from BSMT last April 2008, but i can't seem to let go of those happy-go-lucky people i was with 2 years ago. I miss the way we were when we are all together..the "kantiawanay", the "lakwatsa", the "sleeping-anywhere", and most of all i miss the dancing.

I used to dance when i was in college. I always look forward to PMT week, and the dance derby because i know..i would certainly lose weight..
I love dancing to the rhythm of fast-beat music, wherein "ang counting bala 2 steps per count☺"..and i like to see all of us in sync, its as if we are one. But most of all, i miss dancing to the cheering of my friends.

Now, i am dancing to a new music, and genre.. and my troupe is not the same anymore, but thanks to my lithium-deficient, one-of-a-kind medtech friends. i still know how to dance to the rhythm of life.

THANKS,GUYS.. I mISS YOU!!!

Fairytales and Reality

20 years ago..I was a kid..I was one of those little girls, who loved to read about a prince and a princess falling in love. riding off into the sunset, and remain happy for the rest of their lives. Now, I still have a part of that little girl beside me, and let's just say that I am still fond of reading fairy tales. But these stories aren't in books anymore. These stories became a part of my life. It became a part of who I am. My life is a storybook. I had my share of fables, myths, and, of course, my very own wonderland fairytale. As always, a story will never be complete without a villain. And my villain came in a form of death. 5 months ago, I became Snow White. I had my dwarves, my prince charming, and my own poison apple. The witch took my DAD away, and sadly, even a thousand true love's kiss can never bring him back. All this time I wish I was Jasmine so I could ask Genie to grant my wish to turn back time, or I could be Aurora so that I would have my 3 fairy godmothers to give my dad the gift of sleeping for a century, and wake up after someone gives him true love's first kiss. Unfortunately, all the wishes and gifts in the world can never bring him back. It can never turn back time. His passing woke me up and made me realize that fairy tales do exist, and with it comes the reality of tears, pain, and lost love. I was able to see the truth that the "evil stepmother" is real, that no matter how enchanting and surreal her beauty is, the old hag will always be there lurking, ready to give you that poison apple. My dad unlucky enough to bite into the hag's apple, and because of that, he fell into a deep sleep..never waking up again. I have moved on, and I have accepted the fact that my dad's in a better place now, but like all other little girls, I'm still hoping for a happily ever after. I'm still hoping to look through the looking glass and see my dad waving at me, smiling. I am Snow White..I have my Prince Charming, my dwarfs, and of course..THE WICKED WITCH will always be there. In time, I may be able to destroy the Witch, but for now..I'm gonna write my story page by page, and hope that this story would end with me looking at my dad, smiling, and saying," DO, we will always live happily ever after"

This is in memory of my dad. I only had 22 years with him before the Almighty took him away from me and my whole family. This is one way of telling him that I know what happened, and I had accepted the fact that life really is unfair. I know he's reading this right now, and I know that he knows that we all miss him so much. "Do, we know the "witch" took you away, but don't worry, her apple won't be inflicting pain or tears to anyone anymore. We love you soo much,do..We miss you. I just want you to know na number 4 gli ko sa skul..I know you are proud of me. I LOVE YOU..some people may not know it now, but I guess in time they would realize that the kids and the family you left behind will never leave each other behind and that you will be our inspiration to continue fighting"

Missing all the Simple things in LIfe

Looking back at all of the things that has happened to me in the last few days, I am starting to miss the the simple things. The things that most of us took for granted, because we were to busy reaching for the stars and the flags taht were to high.


My dad was taken to the hospital yesterday because he had a stroke. It took us all by surprise because he was still okay. He was just complaining that he was a bit drowsy, so we thought that he just lacked sleep because he accompanied my mom, the night before, to the hospital. Then all of a sudden he vomited, but he was still conscious..Since we were not with him during that time, the driver persuaded him to go to the hospital, but he refuesd. It was only when they ran into his 1st cousins that he was brought to the hospital..He was then transferred to Iloilo Doctor's Hospital from the Janiuay District Hospital.

In the E.R, he began to fall asleep. Everybody was trying to distract him so that he won't lose consciousness. He was then requested a CTSCAN, so we went to St.Paul's Hospital, since th IDH CTSCAN was unavailable. The result of his scan showed that he has a small bleed in the his cerebral area, and that his brain was already swelling. Because of the swelling, his 3rd and 4th ventricles were compress,and this had caused to increase the pressure inside his skull, so he was scheduled for a STAT OR. He had to undergo a procedure called ventriculostomy, wherein a tube was placesd inside his head inorder to evacuate the fluid that was accumulating inside so that the pressure would be decreased.

Fortunately, after his operation, he was back to normal , even if his blood pressure is still erratic.


Today, he is alreadyokay...It was as if everything that happened yesterday was all a bad dream..

Never in my whole life did I expect that something like this would happen..Now,all i want is to wake once more and go about things just like before..

Disgruntled

I FEEL LIKE SHIT RIGHT NOW!!!!!

In my 22 years of existence..

Most of which was spent in school..I have never failed an examination..hell!..I have never even took one reexamination...

Yet..here I am now.For the 1st time in my god forsaken life..I will take my first-ever removal examination..in RESEARCH!!!!

I still can't believe that i didn't get a passing mark!...damniT!!!!!!!!..I spent almost 2 days studying for this mofo subject..

Actually..I'm not mad because I didn't pass...I'm just not satisfied with the reasons why 11 out of 23 students were asked to remove and the rest failed..I mean..c'mon..We did our part..We studied hard for your examinations..Plus you're not the only one teaching the subject..There are 2 of you..How come you didn't acknowledge the other teacher's efforts?...YOU gave her topics to discuss, you instructed her to make an examination, you told her to compute our grades..THEN YOU DISREGARD ALL OF HER HARD WORK!!..Why didn't you incorporate the grades we got from her?...Why did you make this subject into a one-man show, when there were two of you involved?...I mean if you took the grades we got from her..all of us would have passed..but no!!...you chose to throw all her efforts away because you were trying to prove to the whole world that no one can outsmart you..You didn't give the other teacher the chance to be able to defend us by not informing her that the deliberation for research was today..

You can't deny the fact that you didn't inform because we asked her if she going to attend the deliberation..and she was MOTHERFUCKIN" surprised that she wasn't informed..C'mon,MAN!!!...You can't do this..

Have a heart..You know that what you're doing is wrong..sooo..pls..look at the bigger picture..Why not let the students pass..they deserved to be able to see good results from what they have worked sooo hard on..and pls...have some respect fo your colleague..You're in this together..don't insult her by thinking that her teaching skills isn't good enough..coz come think of it..if more students passed her examinations..itonly means that she's a more effective teacher..

THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING!

MEDICINE..A nEw Chapter

Okay...

So its about a year now since I last posted here..

YOU wanna know the reason why?... It's because I was not contented with all the blood and the tears I spilt during the last 5 years of my life... The last 5 years, which took me to the brink of insanity and back again..

NO!... Enduring years of studying Medical Technology was not yet challenging for me..I had to plunge myself in another pit full of power-hungry people, and egotistical professionals just to be able to satisfy my thirst for knowledge...

DAMN!!!..I took the liberty of getting a stone..NO..A BOULDER!.. and made use of it by shoving it up my ass..I mean..MAN!!... What the HELL was i thinking!!..c'mon..MEDICINE LIFE?..

Sure..I got through the 1st semester..but shit!..i still have a long way to go..And who's to say i won't meet a lot of stupid-ass-shit people along the way..I mean..GOD!!!..When i was in college..I took research for granted, and still passed with flying colors..now..I have to spend half the night studying for this friggin' subject..hell!..I could fuckin' sleep my way through the night and still get a grade of 83 on my Neuroanatomy subject..but a 60 for Research??!!!!!

I guess I'm not mad with the whole MEDLIFE, per se..I'm just ticked off by the fact that the whole class is failing one, measly minor subject because the person teaching it has an ego, the size of the whole galaxy, but possesses a brain that is as big as a booger!!!..calling that person,"peabrain", would be the overstatement of the year..I mean..HELLO!!!!!!YOU FAILED A LOT OF PEOPLE, WHO COULD CONSTRUCT BETTER SENTENCES THAN YOU..damnit,GUY!..you are soo full of yourself....grow up..just because you were such a loser when you took up medicine, doesn't mean you have to take out all your frustrations and spite on us...

OKay..I've had my rants..I'm sorry if i took it out on the whole course..I love MEDICINE..I just HATE RESEARCH!!!!!!!!